Antivivs and ARistas around the world, rejoice!  For Theodore Hapner has renounced the scientific method in favour of his own techniques, and in so doing can guarantee you any result you like.  No more will you be hobbled by the scientific community’s demand for empirical, reliable evidence:

‘If you’re looking for some button-down traditionalist who relies on so-called induction, conventional logic, and verification to arrive at what the scientific community calls ‘proof,’ then I’m afraid you’ve got the wrong guy,’ said the intrepid 44-year-old rebel, who last month unveiled a revolutionary new model of atomic structure that contradicted 300 years of precedent. ‘But if you want your results fast and with some flair, then come with me and I’ll prove that the boiling point of water is actually 547 degrees Fahrenheit.’

The Onion, 5th June 2006, Rogue Scientist Has Own Scientific Method

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Those antivis and ARistas who have had their sense of humour and sarcasm surgically removed, The Onion is a spoof news site.
Anyone who thinks I’m being overzealous in pointing this out, pls see the response of Greenworlds to an Onion story...